Blood is life giving and life taking, bond-making, taboo, viral. In The Hunger, blood is a treat, a lubricant, a dressing, a costume. It breaches a boundary, sucking out from two holes. We start with a single voice - a lonesome cowboy. There is a spotlight. A spotlight is a column of light, and when a performer stares up, they peer into a heaven that we can’t see. A vampire must be welcomed into a space, and the figure of The Hunger is always standing on a doorway, on the periphery, on the edge, edging. The spotlight is important, but so is the figure, silhouetted against a melodramatic curtain.
He is reaching towards ecstasy.
ANGUS MCGRATH
THE HUNGER /// 38’44”
Made between April 2020 and April 2021
Recorded and mixed by Marcus Whale
Mastered by Wayne Sunderland for Suture Mastering
Written and performed by Marcus Whale, except:
Alto Saxophone on “Raining Blood” by Charlie Sundborn
Released by Dero Arcade, September 2021
1. COWBOY SONG /// 4'03"
In the morn is when I mourn you most
In this way we’re always doomed
This face of mine won’t be around
To see what remains of you
I drink your shape like the wind that’s left
In the forests growing dry
I drink til I’m swollen like a wound
to see what remains of you
I loathe the sound of the quiet place that haunts me now you’re gone
Brokenly I hear your breath where once there was a tongue
Oh brokenly I hear your breath where once there was your tongue
Oh brokenly I hear your breath where once there was your tongue
Oh brokenly I hear your breath where once there was a tongue
Oh brokenly I feel your breath where once there was your tongue
2. TWO HOLES /// 5'28"
Even from a distance
I can feel the pull
Of two holes like beacons
The fog in your breath
Pulls your world around me
Makes me blind for a sec
Makes me reach towards you
Makes me breathe in your scent
And I taste lychee
I won’t be alone
Not in this mess of traces
Not in the way I move and shake and tremble
Can’t see where I’m turning
I can’t be alone
How did I fill up on nothing?
I can’t be alone
Not in the way that I’m turning
Drawn like spires
That stand tall in their yearning
I’ve spent hours
Blurring my boundaries
Do you see my holes?
Is there fog where I’m breathing?
Does my world surround you?
I won’t be alone
Not in this mess of traces
Not in the way I move and shake and tremble
Can’t see where I’m turning
I can’t be alone
How did I fill up on nothing?
I can’t be alone
Not in the way that I’m turning
Two holes, two holes
Even from a distance, I feel the pull
Of two holes, two holes
Even from a distance, I feel the pull
Of two holes, in my holes
Where you suck the air out
Suck the air out
Suck the air out
Suck this air out
3. IMPOSSIBLE /// 2'38"
Suck the air out
Suck the air out
Suck the air out
Suck this air out
Suck the air out
Suck the air out
See this godless ruin shine in the sunlight
My whole mouth roars in the sunlight
As it opens to write your name
Til you suck this air out
Suck this air out.
Even when I’m at your door
Something remains impossible
Even when I’m at your door
Something remains impossible
See this photo blow out the corner
See this frame go right beyond the corners
4. PORTAL /// 3'38"
It’s only my new name on your lips but that’s where I wanna be
You come and go as you please and deepen your impression on me
The mark of your teeth like a sigil underneath my skin
A circle in the shape of a portal, where the future pours in
A burning at the surface
where the circle is the shape of a portal
A penetration into the nape
in the shape of a portal
The hunger for another
Turns my wound into an unholy portal
Pull me through
I’m in the attic
Open and ready
To take in your size
I want you to turn me
Cold under my surface
Stretched up to your height
But you keep me at the surface
just the shape of a portal
Frozen in the posture of waiting
to be pulled into a portal
Not like you
I’m in the attic
Open and ready
To take in your size
I want you to turn me
Cold under my surface
Stretched up to your height
A burning at the surface
where the circle is the shape of a portal
A burning at the surface
where the circle is the shape of a portal
A burning at the surface
where the circle is the shape of a portal
A burning at the surface
where the circle is the shape of a portal
A burning at the surface
where the circle is the shape of a portal
5. PERFUME /// 4'26"
As I approach him he looks as if to say “why?”
I am the intruder, you look and tell me what you like.
Hungry like a ghost I scratch the surface.
My hands in the earth, I hear sky
I know my purpose now
Sing me an arrow my Lord
I know my purpose now
Sing me an arrow, line of flight
Maybe you could know who I am
All this perfume
Enters my room
You move me by rune
Shape me anew
All this perfume
All this perfume
All this perfume
All this perfume
6. THE HUNGER /// 5'35"
Fill my maw with milk
Fill my mouth
Blur my edges
Leaking milk abjectly
Drink my life out
Let me pull your life out, Lord
Hungry to be just like you
Just like you dreamed
Just like you
Pharmakon
Portal for your gaping size
Stretch myself to walk at your height
Hungry to be just like you
Just like you dreamed
Just like you
7. FAMILIAR /// 5'16"
My blood is yours & your tongue is wet
You can tell from the way I dress
Pull the collar off to show my neck
Hope I’m still fresh when you waste my breath
I will stay til you fall asleep
Underneath
Climb the stairs to the morning heat
Over & Over & Over
I make new with the old connection
I think I know my right direction
That when you wake I’m the sole selection
I am that undivided suspension of attention
At the surface you know I’m sweet
Let the vessel press up to meet
At the dusk of eternity
Over & over & over & over
Your tongue is wet
You turn my head
I show my neck
& slow my breath
You carry me
From underneath
Prepare to meet
your lips, my heat
Every cell in me opens wide
Perfect symmetry, perfect life
Every piece of you comes inside
Colder & Colder & Colder
8. RAINING BLOOD /// 3'08"
This little stream
These eyes rolling back
This turn of the head
I fill you up
I make you strong
For the both of us
Long night alone
Thinking only of my blood inside you
Naked in the attic
Hoping that you feel it too
Godspeed
Godspeed
He enters from the window
Stake in chest, raining blood
singing me a portal
9. UNDEAD /// 4'38"
The sanctuary’s white columns
Each with a letter
Spelling his name
Like the cubicle door
- 0 4 3 1 3 0 1 0 9 1 -
its numerology,
some measure of God
Like how you let the car run
until you’re smog
And I’m the distance
And from afar, the glint ricochets
Every surface curved
so the light could be from anywhere.
A lens is part residue, part threshold
And this is where I find you,
limpid, crystal
Limpid, crystal
Limpid, crystal
Limpid, crystal
You have his mouth
Talk with his tongue
Can I call you dead?
Limpid crystal
Limpid crystal
Limpid crystal
Limpid crystal
Bathe in the milk
Of your becoming
Can I call you undead?
Limpid crystal
Limpid crystal
Limpid crystal
Limpid crystal
Gouge out a way
Right through the skull
Can I call you dead?
Limpid crystal
Limpid crystal
Limpid crystal
Limpid crystal
See yourself dead